The whole point of personal growth and self-improvement is to reach the apex of self-love, because without reaching that apex the individual is unable to fulfil their potential and deliver their promise. You simply cannot be the best you can be, without tasting the sweetness of self-love. It is a nectar like no other. When it is in place nothing is beyond your reach. Not only is there peace of mind and contentment, but the feelings of confidence and well-being are like perpetual rivers flowing through your mindscape. This is what makes it the greatest attainment. But like most things worthy of pursuit and endeavour it requires much effort. Having said that, the journey is not as difficult as you might think. The reason that most people do not achieve the prize is because their method is flawed. Hopefully by the time you have read this handout you will understand what is required of you. There are three steps you need to undertake in order to reach the apex of self-love. What follows is a summary of what’s involved…
Self-Care: It is not possible to experience the extraordinary sustenance of self-love without self-care. In fact the reason most people never progress beyond their frequent assassinations of themselves is because there is not enough adequate self-care. Self-care, as the name suggests, is looking after you. This, however, cannot be a half-hearted contract with yourself; it is a job that must be done properly if you are to extract the dividends. Self-care means meeting your most basic needs, such as: finding time to relax, doing things that you enjoy, pampering yourself, socialising, pursuing hobbies and interests, etc. Self-care also means eating well, hydrating your body properly, and getting the necessary exercise and deep restorative sleep. Sleep is one of the cornerstones of good physical and mental health, and we all know from personal experience we are unable to deliver what’s required of us when we are tired (see: The Secret of Sleep). In fact to compromise on any of the things listed so far means you cannot give the best of yourself to the task at hand. This is why self-care has to be taken seriously if you want to access and experience the very best of yourself. Our experience has taught us that it is a lack of self-care that most undermines the individual and so the experience of self-love remains beyond their grasp. This is why one must become obsessive about caring for one’s heart, mind and body. The next step to achieving self-love is…
Self-Nurture: Those who take self-care seriously will begin to experience the wheels of transformation slowly turning (and in some cases turning quickly), because self-care delivers a very powerful message to the sub-conscious mind. The message is “I am worthy and I am valuable….my contribution matters”. Once that message is installed, the messages that oppose this drive begin to wither and fade and the individual begins to like him/herself. This is when self-care becomes self-nurture. Self-care becomes self-nurture at the point when the habit of caring for the self has become non-negotiable. A non-negotiable is literally something that an individual refuses to compromise over: they know that that thing is essential to their growth and well being, so why would they cast it aside? To cast it aside is to cast oneself aside and one who is committed to self-nurture simply would not do that. So, whatever the person has committed to: that daily walk, that meeting with friends regularly, that putting aside time for study or reading, going to bed earlier…, whatever it might be, nurture is the point where these things are habits which the individual simply refuses to trade in (see: Non-Negotiables). The power of this resolve is formidable and will literally crush anything that opposes it. It is at this point that the sub-conscious mind and the conscious mind become allies in the cause of self-improvement. The next step in this wonderful journey is…
Self-Respect: Self-love is no more than a dream without self-respect. How can someone who does not respect himself truly love himself? That internal distaste keeps the individual away from their most precious prize. It is the habit of self-nurture that generates self-respect. Someone who is consistently caring for herself, and is therefore truly self-nurturing, proves to the subconscious mind that they are worthy of respect. Until the inner narrator (that voice from within) is persuaded to read from a new, more positive script it will continue to undermine any attempts we make to be more self-respecting. Once a truly nurturing way has been installed, the habit and with that the positive application of self-respect, becomes visible in one’s life. Individuals who live in this way do not hurt themselves with unkind thoughts and feelings. They do not remain bound to dysfunctional habits and patterns, they choose positive lifestyles and relationships and they live in a way that does not hurt themselves or others. Furthermore, they’re not slain by time. In other words they do not allow the past to dictate their decisions and choices, nor do they live bound to an uncertain future. They realise the only moment that truly matters is now because it’s by being present in the moment that they are able to be the architects of their destiny. It is when this level of self-respect is in place that the individual can claim the prize. The prize is…
Self-Love: Those who have understood and taken these three steps can easily claim the prize of self-love. The reason most people think of self-love as a pipe dream and therefore unattainable, or consider it ‘New-Age’ mumbo jumbo is that in the main they have not understood the method to attain it. Hopefully you can see in this brief overview that nothing can be achieved without self-care. You must find ways that look after you on all levels (see: The Story of Health). Self-care is a proper, passionate commitment to yourself; it cannot be entered into half-heartedly, otherwise the negative voices of your past will not be silenced. They continue their loud chanting because the opposition to them is feeble and ineffectual, and so they have no reason to believe you are serious about your new-found endeavours. This is why you must turn self-care into self-nurture. The momentum of self-nurture is so powerful it will eventually crush any negative patterns in its way. Once self-nurture sees, feels and begins to experience the prize it becomes relentless in its efforts. That self nurturing position is like a self fulfilling prophecy, the more the non-negotiables are pursued the more you become the embodiment of those non-negotiables. It is this unwavering resolve that generates self-respect. The beauty of self-respect is that it does not need external validation. If external validation occurs, it can and will be appreciated, but if it does not it makes no material difference. This is because self-respect looks to the self for validation. It realises it is not defined by what others think, it is actually defined by its own inner narration, and so this is where it focuses its attention. It is that respect for self that enables the individual to fall into the loving embrace of self-love.
Now your journey of the loving appreciation of you can begin and if you find yourself losing your way, you now have a very simple map that can put you back on course. Read and re-read this formula and you will be surprised how quickly you can be introduced to the very best in you. Your inner world offers many adventures, but the best of those begin from that self-loving place. Self-love offers you self-realisation and enlightenment, it frees you from the bondages of the past and enables you to realise that the only thing that really matters is now, because the past has gone and can no longer be influenced and the future is determined by what you do today. This is why it is important to embrace the preciousness of the moment otherwise your life simply passes you by as you become preoccupied with pointless pursuits. We hope you will be inspired to care for yourself in kind, gentle ways and make that care non-negotiable so you become self-respecting, because the force of this practice will propel you to your own highest point (see: The 3 P’s).
TO DEEPEN YOUR UNDERSTANDING FURTHER PLEASE ALSO LOOK AT THE SELF-LOVE AND SELF-LOATHING DIAGRAMS....CLICK HERE